i do not want to return to Singapore. I feel much more independent after the 1.5 months, that I don't really need people. It's the state I've always hoped to be in - independent and less affected by others. This feeling is great - I don't want to return to Singapore and get used to people, because I know I will eventually get used to them and get attached to them. And attachment means hurt, because people are not meant to stay. We are islands. When I'm alone in Japan, there are no expectations of anybody at all.

I tell myself that people are individuals, and when I'm abroad alone, it feels real. It feels real because truly, I am alone, and am enjoying myself so so so much. I like myself so much more when I'm alone - I'm so much better with directions, I reflect so much more, I learn so much from talking to the strangers I've met. I do not do anything to please others, or unintentionally get their attention. Everything is done without the thought that somebody else is watching. But will "we are meant to be alone" feel real when I'm back in Singapore, surrounded by people whose warmth I might crave?

I don't know why I don't seem to enjoy my time here in Kyoto. I feel like I dread going home, and having to pack and move back into Tembusu immediately. I feel like I want to spend my time relaxing here, to collect myself before I return to the hectic lifestyle. It's not that I do not like Kyoto, I just.. I'm just tired.

I don't want to return to Singapore, and there is so much more I want to say, but even when I'm on a holiday, I can't sleep at ungodly hours and wake up feeling refreshed the next morning. My body has begun to break down, I have to sleep.